It has been over a month since I’ve posted. The main reason is because I don’t have much to say. I go through phases of hating my job, my life and wondering where I went off track, to thinking, “this isn’t so bad, I can do this,” and being glad that I’m starting to pay off my overdraft.
I come home most evening covered in glitter from stacking sparkly things, tinsel and fairy lights. I think of writing on my breaks, but I’m usually just tired and hungry. Maybe I’m making my life out to be worse than it is, but I’m just not enjoying it and I can’t see a way forward at the moment.
It scares me that in about eight months there will be new graduates and, maybe, I’ll still be here in the box room. I could apply for a postgraduate course, or yet another internship. But I’m not writing as much as I’d like, and I’m not really sure where all this is going now.
I hate being so tired all the time. I’m not used to carrying boxes round all day. To be honest I don’t know how people do it, not seeing anything but boxes in their future. I’ve spent all of my life in education, and not had time for a ‘real’ 9 to 5 job because it didn’t have anything to do with where I wanted to be. I guess I should’ve taken a few minutes to look into the real world. I’ve never had a 9 to 5 kind of family, and even the thought that it’s only until I can afford to move or get a job in journalism/writing doesn’t make me feel much better at the moment.
So what is a girl to do?
Maybe Christmas, and the end of the temp job will cheer me up. I hate the fact that getting up at ten feels like a lie in. Is there such thing as being spoilt by education?