I haven’t really written anything for a while. By that I mean articles, essays, stories, etc. There’s so much I can blame it on, work (I have been doing a lot of hours), mood, lack of inspiration. But to be honest, I don’t have a reason. I’ve said in many different ways to different people how I feel like I lost my way since I finished University.
I say I’m happy as long as I’m writing, and that even the most boring writing job would be better than any other job. But, still, I’m not writing, so I can never say I am fully happy.
My temp Christmas job finishes next week, and I have to say it has worn me down. It’s not what I want, and without the nice people I have worked with I doubt that I would’ve got through it. When I hurt my wrist I hit a brick wall, which I managed to climb. It’s not about the money as it seems to just get swallowed paying off my overdraft. I’m not even in much of a hurry to do that to be honest. So I don’t understand why I can’t get back into writing.
Looking at job and Uni applications, I have answer so many questions. Why would I make a good journalist? Why do I want to be a journalist? What do I write? What can I write? What do I want to write?
My next step is to get myself writing. I keep saying I will. If I don’t I have no one to blame but myself. I’ve spent too much time thinking about what others are doing, trying to fit myself around other things. But if in five years I look at this moment as the one I gave up I’ll be so pissed off at myself.
I’m not sure if doing another course, just to get me in the right place, or just really trying to get a placement somewhere for more professional experience is a better idea. But by the new year I need a plan set out….